Garbanzo: R.I.P.

18 years ago, shortly after July 4^th, I adopted Garbanzo. We started an amazing journey together. He was my companion and teacher, and helped lead me to learning about TTouch and Reiki and how to help other animals.  Garbanzo and I had a connection unlike any that I have had.  We went through so much together and, together with my partner Jeffrey, we had such a beautiful life together.
It was with such great difficulty that we finally came to the decision a few days ago that it was time to say goodbye, but he had been on a roller coaster with hyperthyroidism and pancreatitis, and last weekend took a sharp turn for the worse.  He gave us clear signs that he had had enough, that his body was shutting down and that he would have been suffering a great deal if we did not let him go.
It has been a terrible loss, but our beautiful connection lives on, and will forever.  Following is a letter I am sending to him with my heart.

Dear Garbanzo:
It feels strange to write a eulogy for you because I know that, though you are no longer with me on the physical plane, you will be with me in spirit forever. When I close my eyes I can feel you near me, as though I'm holding you close to me, and other times I feel you literally inside my heart.  I know you are with me as I work with the animals, guiding me.
I thank you so much for all that you have taught me, and all the love that you have given to me.  I am so blessed that we were able to find each other, so honored that you trusted me enough to connect to me. 

I know you had a rough start on the streets of Brooklyn and that it was tough to trust any person.
You taught me how quiet I need to be in order to connect with a fearful animal -- how quiet and how truly in the moment, so that we can both find that beautiful moment of pure connection, where everything else in the world disappears. 
You taught me how to respect where an animal is, rather than coming to them with a pre-conceived notion of what should or shouldn't happen. 
You taught me to open my heart and feel what can happen when you truly let go of expectations - that when you can do that, more is possible than you ever dreamed of.
You taught me to be sensitive of how much time was enough contact, and how precious even those small moments can be.
You taught me to be patient and forgiving with both you and with myself.
You confirmed to me that love and understanding and flexibility of mind, along with use of many tools within this mindset, can help an animal to be able to change even very challenging behavior.
You guided me to my path of working with animals, and taught me so much about how to help them.
You brought me so much laughter, too - you are so intelligent, you always were surprising me with something new you would do, or a sign you would give me that you felt and observed every little change that would happen in our environment. 
It was so beautiful to feel how our connection developed during our life together - as you began to trust and know my touch, and then to experience how completely connected we became over time.  Though you retained your wild spirit (which I wouldn't have had you give up for the world), you were able to let your guard down with me more and more.  As I began training in TTouch and Reiki, we felt an even deeper connection, eventually feeling our energies merge in a connection of such pure love.  You knew I was coming home before I got there, and I would often feel when something was happening with you. 











I am grateful that we were able to spend so many years together, and that we were able to spend most of your last two days on earth together, sharing Reiki energy, TTouch and love, giving me a real chance to tell you how much love I have for you, and how I treasure our connection.
I love you forever, dear Garbanzo.

Connecting with Krishna, Closer and Closer

When I am working with animals, I always try to be sensitive to what they are comfortable with, and work from there.  There are times when it is good to give a little nudge so that they can try something new, but it is good to first find what makes them feel safe and at ease, rather than having a pre-conceived notion of what you would like to have happen.  What happened today may seem rather subtle to the reader, but for this cat I believe it was a huge step.

Today I went to work with Krishna, a stunning black kitty who is generally fearful of those other than his human caretakers, particularly his human "mommy" Rebecca.  However, over the time I have worked with him, we have developed a lovely connection.  He is still very shy though, so I have to be very sensitive to what he is comfortable with at any given moment.
I hadn't seen him in a while, and, as I always try to do, I began sending him Reiki energy as I was on my way there, feeling the connection with him and picturing him responding in a positive way. 
When I arrived, he came right up to me.  I slowly went down on a knee to be closer to his level, and he put his nose right on my hand.  The least movement can startle him, so I stayed very still, speaking to him in a very calm, soft voice, telling him I had missed him so much and was so happy to see him. This was the boldest greeting that I have ever received from him.  I feel so especially honored when such a shy kitty feels comfortable enough to let down their guard to connect with me.
Since our last appointment, Rebecca and Krishna had a session with my friend and colleague, Eileen Garfinkel (http://dreamsofamelia.com), who is a fantastic animal communicator.  One of the things Eileen had picked up from Krishna was that he would like Rebecca to let go of what her expectations of him were.  And it had seemed that often I have been able to achieve a closer connection with Krishna when she is not present - possibly he felt some pressure from her or maybe just was more interested in connecting with her than with me.  So we decided it would be beneficial for her to leave the apartment for at least half the session.
After she left, I sat down a few feet away from Krishna, sending him Reiki all the while.  I brought out a very soft paintbrush that he had responded to in the past, and, as he had done previously, he immediately sniffed it and then began rolling around, rubbing himself against it.  I was not even holding on to the handle of the brush, just letting him experience the brush.  In doing this, he was practically touching me, and suddenly he got scared and and hissed and swatted me and ran way from me for a minute. 
But it was just a moment for him of being scared.  He didn't run in the bedroom to hide, which is where he will go if he is very afraid.  Instead he remained in the living room, and got in his cat bed, which feels like a safe place.  I went and sat on the couch near where he was, and continued to send him Reiki energy.  I could see him start to relax, his eyes getting a bit droopy.  After a while, I sat down on the floor near him and got a bit closer.  He relaxed more and more, came out of the bed and began getting closer.  When I put out the soft brush again, he rubbed against it and rolled on his back, very comfortable and looking right at me.  So sweet!  I resisted the temptation to try to hold the other end of the brush and touch him, I just wanted him to be cozy being near me.  After this, he laid down near me and, as I continued to send Reiki, he started to lay down and put his head down.
Just a few moments after this, Rebecca returned and sat on the floor near where we were.  Krishna wanted to interact with her, so they did for a little bit, then she stopped and he came over near where I was again.  I was continually sending Reiki during this time, so again, he began to get comfortable.  I did try touching him with a couple of different paintbrushes, but I could see by his reaction that the best thing to do for this session was to continue with the Reiki energy and see what could happen.  I tried to very much keep in mind what Eileen had said about allowing Krishna to be who he was and not push him too much.  He got more and more calm and ended up laying down just inches away from me, actually facing away from me.

This felt like wonderful progress - first of all, it was amazing how close he was to me and had his guard completely down.  Also, when he is nervous, he faces me direectly and stares with huge open eyes at me, so the fact that he was comfortable facing away from me was interesting as well.  We stayed this way for quite a while, and I continued to send Reiki to him, imagining the energy relaxing him, filling him with light, releasing any worries from the past or present.  I could feel him pulling the energy from my hands. 

Sometimes when we can really let go of our expectations are when these breakthrough moments are truly able to happen.
After I ended our Reiki session and slowly stood up, Krishna was looking at me, but not with a wide-eyed fearful look - much more of a centered, grounded, relaxed presence.  It was lovely to see him feeling so at ease.
Thank you so much Krishna - you teach me every time I work with you.  Look forward to seeing you soon...

Yankee, RIP

I am constantly reminded of how special BARC shelter in Brooklyn really is.  The people who run it have huge hearts and open their hearts and doors to so many animals who would not have a chance otherwise.

Yankee was a sweet dog who arrived at BARC Shelter around last July. He stayed up in the Cat Loft (the place where I volunteer at BARC) at BARC along with the cats, a few other smaller dogs, two pigeons and Marsha the chicken.  So I had the honor and pleasure of getting to know him.

He was unable to use his front legs, apparently because he had been left for a long time with the legs tied together.  He also had a problem with his heart. 
Yet, though he had been through so much, he had such an amazing and sweet spirit that he touched all who knew him.  The staff and volunteers at the shelter spent a lot of time with him and gave him so much love.  Donations made it possible to get him a special wheelchair so it was easier for him to get around.  He could really speed around on the wheelchair, and it took pressure off the rest of his body which was trying to compensate for the front legs not working.  He generally seemed very chipper when he was in the wheelchair.
Below: Yankee in his wheelchair

Several months after he arrived, a little white poodle named Rain arrived at the shelter.  Rain is unable to use her back legs, as she was bred too many times.  Yet Rain has a sweet and spunky spirit and manages to get around very well despite her condition. 
It didn't take too long before these two animals became inextricably connected with each other, and they were near each other all the time. 


Below: Rain with Yankee

Recently, Yankee's health began to decline.  He seemed to start having more stomach upsets, and not long after that, he got kennel cough, which was very hard for him on top of his other issues.
Rain was right at his side the whole time. And Marsha the chicken, who often hung out near Yankee and Rain, often also would sat next to them at this point too, as if she knew that Yankee was not well.

Below, Yankee in the middle, Rain upper right and Marsha lower left.

And of course, the BARC staff and volunteers, who always gave much love and care to Yankee, spent time with him. During most of Yankee's time there, Colin was the Cat Loft person and did so much to help Yankee feel comfortable and happy, as well as loved.  And when Jayne took over his position recently, she did all she could as well.  And of course BARC gave him the medical care he needed, but finally there was not much more that they could do. 
During Yankee's time at the shelter, I had done quite a few TTouch or Reiki sessions with Yankee, during which time I would usually have Rain on my lap.  And when his health began to take a nose dive, I did a couple of extra-long Reiki sessions with him at that time.  I could feel he was having a very rough time of it.  His breathing was getting labored and I could feel his life force was diminishing.  But I did feel that in the moment the Reiki energy relaxed his body so that I could feel him breathing more deeply than he had before, and I could feel him really absorbing the energy.  Last Friday, when I left, though I knew he was in rough condition, he did seem more peaceful to me.  Of course, my wishful thinking was hoping somehow he could get through this.....
Saturday when I arrived at the shelter, I heard that Tony and Vinny, the shelter owners, had taken Yankee and Rain to their apartment.  And at about 2:30, sadly we were informed that Yankee had passed on. 
Everyone was so so sad, this was a huge loss.This small dog was such a huge presence in the shelter and in everyone's hearts.  And of course for Rain and some of the other animals who were close to him, it will be a huge adjustment and certainly a grieving period. 
However, of course, there was relief as well, knowing that he was no longer in pain and discomfort.  I picture him running effortlessly, with all four legs going and his ears flying in the wind. 
Thank you Yankee, for teaching us all so much about love, forgiveness and strength of spirit.  You gave us all so much.  And thank you to all who did so much for this sweet creature.

Going with the Flow with Georgie

Georgie is a gorgeous 12 yr old orange tabby kitty who I had the pleasure to meet last Sunday.  Her caretaker, Rachel, had contacted me Georgie has been vomiting just about every day for about four years.  Rachel has taken Georgie to two vets and had weeks of tests done, but nothing conclusive had been found, though she is being given a special diet because there was a possibility of her having IBD.

Apparently she is retaining some nutrition, as she maintains a healthy weight, but of course it is still worrisome to see her do this, to say the least.

Rachel consulted an animal communicator, who told her that Georgie is manifesting her issues.  Rachel has been working on her own issues as well as doing everything she can to try to help Georgie.

I told Rachel that I thought our initial appointment would be best spent working with Georgie with TTouch and showing Rachel how to do some of the TTouches, so that she would be able to do the TTouches with Georgie every day.  That way, at the very least, both their stress levels could be brought down.  Of course, what would be wonderful to see over time would be a shift in Georgie's behavior.

There are two other cats in the household, Ginger, who is Georgie's sister (also an orange tabby, and is is rather rare for orange cats to be female), and Newie, who is a 6 year old male kitty.  Ginger is the shyest of the three, and Georgie is generally very friendly with people.
Rachel had come to meet me at the bus stop, and when we entered the apartment, we discovered that both Georgie and Newie were hiding under the bed, and Ginger, who is usually shy, came out to say hello to me!  Rachel thought it could be that Georgie was resistant to letting go of her behavior, and that Newie was there to support her.  We tried to encourage her to come out from underneath the bed, but she just went further under the bed.
Going with the flow of the moment, the next thing we tried was to have Rachel leave the room, and I sat on the floor next to the bed, sending Reiki energy to Georgie (and to Newie as well, as they were right next to each other).  I could feel a very strong flow of energy coming from my hands, feeling that she was accepting the energy.  Yet at that moment she wished to remain under the bed.
After a while,  I ended the Reiki session and we decided it would be best for Rachel and me to go into the other room, where I could teach her some of the basic TTouches using the stuffed cat I had brought as a model.  I showed her a variety of the TTouches, including ones which will especially benefit her digestive system.
Rachel has a very natural feel for the TTouches, and without knowing it, had already been doing modified versions of a number of the TTouches.  So I know she will do a wonderful job with them. 
All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I saw an orange blur go by the doorway. 
I quietly went to look, and Georgie had come out from underneath the bed!
I made sure to consciously quiet my own energy, and sat on the floor near her, first approaching her by doing a few TTouches and strokes using the back of my hand.  She started to be quite receptive to what I was doing, so I continued, but made sure to give her frequent breaks.  I found that one of the TTouches she was especially receptive to is the Abalone TTouch, which is a circular TTouch which uses the whole hand.  Since it is using a bigger surface of the hand, it can be very calming and comforting.  I did the TTouches very slowly and with a very subtle circular motion, pausing at the end of each circle and a quarter.  Hair slides were also very comforting for her. 

After a bit, Georgie went to one of her places she particularly likes, the window area pictured above, which is lovely and was flooded with light on this sunny day.  Since Georgie was responsive to the Abalone TTouch, I decided to see what she would think of TTouches done using a Jelly Scrubber.  A Jelly Scrubber is actually a horse-grooming tool, but it is also a wonderful TTouch tool.  (Linda Tellington-Jones, first developed TTouch for horses, then expanded it to include all animals, including people).  The jelly scrubber has two different surfaces, and is very flexible, so I did a version of the Abalone TTouch using the jelly scrubber, as well as doing some longer brushing strokes.  She was very comforted by this, and began leaning and rubbing into my hand.  It was lovely to see her so comfortable and at ease.  I felt completely connected with her and in synch with her energy.  After a while, I took the Jelly scrubber off my hand and also did some TTouches directly with my hand.  It felt like a lovely dance between the two of us, and felt so good with the light coming in the window.

After I finished the session with her, she began to groom herself, looking very comfortable indeed!

The following day, Rachel emailed me that all three of the cats had been very relaxed after I left.  Often after a session, either in a home or at the shelter, it seems the energy of Reiki and TTouch relaxes the atmosphere in general, as well as the animal or animals who I am specifically working with.  Thanks Rachel, Georgie, Newie and Ginger, best wishes to you all and I look forward to hearing from you.  And thank you Georgie, for reminding me to be patient and go with the flow of the moment, that things will develop and flow exactly the way they are meant to :)

Quinn, R,I.P.

(Above:  the green plastic you see on the right is a back scratcher.  Sometimes I would initiate contact with the back of the hand of the back scratcher, and, if he was comfortable, I would then transition to using my hand.)

I feel honored to work with animals every day, and each one has so much to teach me.  But it is a particularly special honor when an animal who is generally too frightened of humans to connect with them feels comfortable enough to let me into their world.

Quinn was a beautiful cat at BARC Shelter.  He was dumped at the shelter some time ago.  Like many of the animals at the shelter, we didn't know exactly what his past was, but he was extremely frightened of people.  I worked with him very gradually, just a little bit at a time.  Most often I used tools such as paintbrushes, feathers, back scratchers and the like in order to connect with him, but there were times when he was comfortable with me touching him directly. 

I found that underneath his often gruff exterior (most often he would meow and swat at an approaching hand) was a gentle, very sensitive soul.  When we connected in our very quiet way, I felt so honored that he trusted me enough to make that connection. 
I would feel the connection even if we weren't literally making contact.  If he did not seem in the mood to be touched, I would often sit outside his cage and send him Reiki energy from there, and I would feel him respond, relaxing and curling up to take a Reiki nap. 
Below, you see me TTouching him using the back of my hand, which is more gentle and less threatening than the front surface of the hand.

I showed some of the other regular volunteers how they could touch him gently with tools, so that he could feel safe, but could have contact. 

As time went on, when I would sit down next to his cage (I would put a chair sideways to his cage, as the sideways orientation is much less intense than straight-on), he would come right up to the front of the cage to greet me.  A few times I thought he was almost considering stepping onto my lap!

I grew to have a very special bond with this cat, who to me seemed like his heart had been wounded. We were able to enter a very quiet, peaceful space together, and I appreciate every moment we spent together.  He taught me so much about being patient and truly in the moment, and always being respectful of what felt safe and comfortable for him in that moment.

The BARC staff and volunteers were very kind to and respectful of him, as they are to all the animals there, and I send them so many thanks for that.  

Sadly, recently Quinn's health suddenly declined sharply, and too soon came his time to cross the rainbow bridge.  I'm sorry I did not have an opportunity to say goodbye to him in person, but I have spoken to him and said goodbye to him in my mind.  He will always live in a very special, quiet place in my heart.  Quinn, I have so much to thank you for and send so much love to you.  I picture you in a beautiful place in the spirit world, curling up on a cozy pillow in the sun for a pleasant nap.  xo

From the Litter Box to My Lap: TTouch with Angela at BARC Shelter

Angela is a beautiful cat who was dumped at BARC Shelter about a week ago, left outside the shelter in a carrier.  Who knows what she went through before she arrived at the shelter? At any rate, she was terrified and hissing when she first arrived there, huddled in her box.  When I opened her cage, you can see the skeptical look she gave me.  I decided to very gradually and gently try to work with her.  I calmed myself, taking some deep breaths before I began working with her.  Standing sideways to her cage, I gently stroked her head with a paintbrush one time and then pulled it away, to see what her reaction was.  Then I tried again.  Within a short time, she had rolled onto her side in a playful way, stretching out and looking cozy.  But she still was a bit unsure, and sometimes would want to bite the brush or didn't seem completely comfortable with it.  I kept the session short - after a few times of trying this she gave a little hiss to let me know that was enough.  So I closed the cage and let her have a break.  I worked with her a couple of more short times that day, and she gradually grew more comfortable.

The next time I worked with her, though she was still in her litter box, she started out looking more comfortable to begin with than she had previously, and she quickly settled into some circular TTouches on her head, then some strokes down the body as well, but not too much so as not to frighten her.

Then, on Saturday when I went to see her, her litter box was placed closer to the front of the cage and when I opened the cage, she actually got up and came to the front of the cage to see me.  I began by doing TTouch circles with the paintbrush on the top of her head, under the chin, and then some down the body.  She was very affectionate and was rubbing her head into the paintbrush.  So I moved my hand down the paintbrush and began to do TTouches on her directly with my hand.  I was mostly doing TTouches using the back surfaces of my hand, as the back of your hand is less threatening to a fearful animal than the front of your hand.

Then she really surprised me by calmly walking out onto my lap!

I sat very quietly, mostly sending her gentle Reiki with my hands loosely on her, doing a few TTouches here and there, and she seemed quite at ease there, continuing to rub her head into my hands.  When I had first contact with her last week, I had a feeling that she wasn't feral, just frightened, but I didn't know the transition would be this fast!!

So she didn't get overstimulated and unsure, I very gently started to make the first tiny movement in the direction of standing up, and she went back into the cage. 

This was so wonderful to see this cat who had been so frightened come such a long way in the space of a week.  Looking forward to seeing you soon, Angela!  And thank you for trusting me....

T

The Power of Positive Words and a Soft Voice with Quinn at BARC Shelter

Quinn is a beautiful cat at BARC Shelter who is extremely fearful (and possibly was at least somwhat feral). I have been working with him for some months, constantly adjusting and varying the way in which I work with him in order to be able to meet him at a place where he can feel comfortable connecting.
Little by little he has been getting more comfortable, and I know that even though most people cannot make physical contact with him, the staff and volunteers at BARC do their best to help him feel at ease, even if it is simply sitting next to his cage and speaking with him.
Most recently, I found that I was able to relax myself and him by doing deep, relaxing breaths and positive visualzation, then just one gentle stroke with a wand on his back.
Yesterday I wanted to try a variation on this. The shelter was very quiet to begin with, so that was helpful to start off with. I began as I had before, doing several deep breaths, imagining stroking him with the wand and him relaxing, then doing one stroke down his back, then the deep breaths and visualization again.
I could see that he was tolerating the strokes, but his tail began to twitch, so he was not quite at ease. So I began to very slowly say to him a mantra which was taught to me as a way to center and ground myself, but I replaced the "I" with a "you". "You are very loved, and you are very safe..." I could see that the tone of my voice and the feeling of what I was saying was helping him to feel at ease.
I repeated it over and over, very slowly, and saw the tail twitching slow down, and then stop. I continued, my voice becoming softer til I was barely making a sound, mostly thinking the words. After a while I felt very in synch with his energy, and felt tears well up, feeling that something was opening up in him. I kept working through the impulse to cry, just reminding myself to continue connecting with him, continuing to feel something was releasing. I do think this cat has trauma in his past, something that causes him to be so afraid of people.
A number of times while I was doing this, I very slowly and gently stroked him with the plastic wand (just a plastic flexible stick from a string toy). Sometimes I would do a little circle and stroke. With this approach, I felt him continue to relax. I didn't push it with the contact, and after a while was just very softly saying the words, very slowly. He eventually got into sleepy mode and curled up to take a nap. I thanked him and closed the session.
Thank you Quinn, you are teaching me so much every time I work with you. Look forward to seeing you soon.... xo